What's Going On
Now Playing: Matt Cox-Too Sexy (http://keyofe.blogspot.com/2005/01/im-too-sexy-for-vh1s-most-awesomely.html)
Alright, so what we have going on here is me sitting around my bedroom drinking bud light in a bottle at 5am. A regular day for me as of late. Some things that have caught my interest or that I have been concerned about recently would include, a cute girl at work, having enough booze to keep me perpetually pickled, the interpool song -evil and some girl with big boobs in Atlanta. I've kind of turned into a nutcase about this movie Napoleon Dynamite. A pal gave it to me for the x-mas and it, next to the now empty bottle of rumpleminze, was the best Christmas present that I received. Oh no, maybe it was my little brother washing my car for me. Anyway I keep quoting the movie to everybody and because it didn't do hugely well money wise, and I honestly believe that it's not that good of a movie, I feel like a frikin' idiot. It has some really good lines and is an essential part of dork culture, however. I also liked that the begining credit song was the white stripes, i think we're going to be friends, a totally sweet song. Last night I hung with my old pal Brian whose in town from France in your pants. We went to the after hours bar PJ's in Norfolk. Pretty much the evening was a bunch of yapping between Brian, I and Andy the DJ. A few work pals came across a cute little stripper who flashed me her boobs twice which whas totally sweet. We took a cab home, 37 bucks, and watched the ali g show until the sun had been up for a couple of hours. Scott saved the day when he gave me a ride to my car later that day. I love you buddy. That's pretty much most of it. Oh, I've been checking out this porn site-anyvids, which is pretty cool if you like short porno videos. Also, every tenth click or so, you are taken to another site with different movies. Alright pals, have fun and a good week.

Boring old post
Now Playing: moby-at least we were together
Tonight I went out with an old pal. We went to the roadhouse, 2nd street and sandbar. All the local dives. Played two games of foosball. My roomate got really drunk. Talked with my Atlanta pal on the phone. Checked out the internet. Not much going on this evening.I've had a lot of beer.

Weird Dream
Now Playing: Coldplay-Shiver
I had a dream today. I was taking a teaching class at a junior high school. The class had something to do with observing the students because my ex girlfriend Krista and I were the only two people in the class that weren't kids. My boss at the nightclub, Ketch Kelly, was teaching the class. It was definately a junior highschool in California. It was sort of a cross between my elementry school my junior high school and my highschool. We left the classroom to get lunch and the weather outside was amazingly beatiful,sunny blue skys with just a couple of white clouds. I walked with my ex-girlfriend to get the school lunch and we stood in a long line with the kids. When I went to check out, I paid my money and couldn't find my tray. I asked my exgirlfriend and the lunchlady where my tray is and they said that they didn't know. Some taller middle schooler kept chest bumping me from behind, trying to get me to hurry up and go. I turned around and asked him if he'd seen my food. He had a g-thug "move bitch" look on his face. He said,"naw" but a bunch of the smaller kids behind him were smiling and trying to keep straight faces so I glanced at the trays just behind me but none of them had my food on them. My ex-girlfriend said,"I'm sorry baby" and we walked across the wide open grass in the middle of the school. I was getting progressively angrier as we walked. I saw the boy who was standing behind me and went up to him and grabbed him by his throat. I staired straight into his face and said,"where's my fucking food you piece of shit?". He looked right back and said,"I didn't take it- yo" in a quick forecfull voice. His face never changed,that same stupid g-thug mindless stare. I squeezed his neck and said,"I'm going to fn kill you unless you tell me where my food is". I remember thinking how easy it was to put my big hands around his small neck. I felt something wet on my leg and I realized that the kid was pissing himself. He kept stairing back at me. His face never changed.

Drunk at 6, the day after Christmas.
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Lay lady lay, Bob Dylan
Let's preface this e-mail by saying I'm drunk and it's 6:30 in the morning. I've had an interesting Christmas week. I met a girl on the internet. She sent me a picture of her boobs, a pair of fake 34 double d's. I found out that yahoo singles chat rooms are only online stripers at 4 am. My club made local tv news for a stabbing and a riot. I met a girl as thoughtful as I am. Missed my family for Christmas. Went out to a sushi place for Christmas dinner. Had two bottles of saki and a huge plate of sushi before work. Hung out with 30 Israeli students. Ate 15 packs of ramen noodles. Witnessed a Bonnell family Christmas eve. Met my best friends three month old baby for the first time. Experienced a masturbation drought. Got tired. Finished Blog post. Merry Christmas pals. I love you all.

Man Whore
Ok, so up until recently I haven't taken advantage of the "bartender privelidge" and, I'm not talking about the sleeping in until one and going to work at four privelidge. I'm talking about the advantage that a bartender has over the average guy whith the ladies. This past week I have had sex with three different women, received oral sex from two women, made out with four women, kissed ten women, have been called by 7 different women and have received phone numbers from 21 women. Highlights of my week include, having sex on the first date, having sex without a date, hearing the sentence,"you should come over to my place tomorrow, I have a jacuzzi" while in bed nude,and seeing my first clitoral piercing. Also I have experienced a general,"I want to do you" gaze on the face of every woman that I have come into contact with. One wonan even beat me to the, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" speech. It was like all of the pleasure without all of the guilt. Honestly it took all of the fun out of it. I must have had sex more in a 48 hour period with that woman that I have ever had with anyone, including myself, in my life. But when it was all said and done, I just wanted to be alone, drink a couple of beers and watch some HBO on demand by myself. I should probably remember this when I'm married with kids and some hot temptrest comes on to me. Ah well, crazy week, fun week, good week. By palz!

Happy Halloween Everybody
Now Playing: Landslide-FleetwoodMac, Bittersweet Symphony-the Verve(I thin


We went to 2nd Street for Halloween. It wasn't as busy as I thought that it would be but I did get super drunk and had a rip roaring time. I only took two pics. Here's a picture of Cindy with her knew girlfriend errr...boyfriend or whatever.

Master of War
Now Playing: Pearl Jam-Masters of War (Which totaly sucks)
As far as I'm concerned, the Pearl Jam version of Masters of Wars sucks a golf ball through a garden hose. I initially heard about the song via Rock and Roll in the Real World. I read the lyrics before I heard the song and I knew that I loved it. It's one of those songs that is timeless. I've heard Dylan's acoustic and live electric versions of the song and they destroy Pearl Jam's shaky wanna-be version hands down any day. It does the lyrics justice. If Dylan and Veder were masters of war, Dylan would be sitting a top a hill staring at the carnage of Veder's wasted army below with wide open crimson eyes and a Nicholson grin. I appreciate Pearl Jam putting forth the message but, at the same time, they don't really do it justice.

Old Jokes
I've probably already posted most of these before, but one day, about a year ago, I pretended that I was a writer for a comedian and tried writing a bunch of jokes. Here we go.

Sometimes I wake up at night in a cold sweat from a nightmare and I try to hurry up and go back to bed because it's like getting into a scary movie for free.

I saw a man running next to a grave yard and I just had to laugh at the futility of it all, well until I almost choked to death on the cheeseburger I was eating. I stopped laughing after that.

The first time I make love to a woman it's going to be special, and I don't mean like with a retarded girl. I mean like with candles around and nice music and such.

If it was between you and me I would really hope that it would be me. Well if we were talking about winning a million dollars and not about the guilty person in a murder case.

One thing I know for sure is that if you want something off of the 99 cent menu you better have more than 99 cents or else you're not getting it.

One thing that we can learn from old people is to use sunblock. Man, just look at all their wrinkles.

I think they got it all wrong when they said that money was the root of all evil. I think it's the devil that's the root of all evil and money is just nice to have a lot of.

i may not have rims, a big old chain, or gold teeth, but hell don't all those things just look gaudy anyway?

i may not be strong or smart or good looking, but i'm the best me i know and you could never be me as good as i am myself.

If I could take one thing back that I've done it would probably be buying that corvette from the used car salesman with grandma's cancer treatment money. I would have got the Camaro instead.

Dear every body
Now Playing: Nico
MC and Wife- I love you guys.

J- I feel like I'm passing heated metal through my guts when I think about you. I just didn't expect it although I knew it. I didn't want to see it coming. I have always been enough to see everyone through. It's my best flaw. It's this awfully wonderful feeling of sadness and pain. I'm like a relationship sociopath-if I get any feeling out of it I'm happy. good or bad. I love the emotion.